New Found Respect

The Walking Robotic Compliance Officers were almost ready for their public debut after extensive testing.  A neat function we added was a voice box so that they could repeat, "respect or die" while decimating offenders.  I felt that added a truly personal touch.

We were overwhelmed by the demand for personal units. Our ordering system was not prepared for the influx and crashed as a result. The advisement committee has expressed concern that compliance officers under civilian control might become a problem for AcMo if any of the officers made their way back to one of our bases.

I wanted to name them Robotic Death Machines but both marketing and legal agreed that a name like that would create mass panic in the general public.  We all know that mass panic is never a good thing for the bottom line unless you are in the mass panic business.  AcMo is expanding into that field soon.

Respect is earned through superior robotic firepower.  People will be upset when they find out we don't have the ammo for the impressive firepower we’ve assembled.  Unfortunately, the robots had a different idea.

Of course there were a few hiccups with our planned rollout for the new compliance officers.  There are always problems when any plan is activated.  The robots made the unilateral decision to build their own compliance officers.  These things have a bad attitude and do not play well with others.

I don’t know what makes these diminutive robots so angry, but it is best to do everything possible to keep them from noticing you.  I make sure to never cross in front of them and stay out of their field of view at all times.  I have also started using cardboard cutouts of myself to fool these new compliance officers into thinking I am everywhere.  Even though this makes them angrier, it gives me a chance to survive another day.

 

Compliance officers have always been a bad idea.  I knew this before I embarked on this journey, but I thought the situation would turn out better because I programmed the officers to obey my authority.  I didn’t account for their ability to countermand my programming and start issuing their own directives.

This is why it is so important to understand that robots are the enemy until proven otherwise.  And because I’m feeling charitable while I am running for my life, I will share a bit of free expert advice.  Under even the best circumstances, it is never advisable to fit autonomous robots with weapons.  That always ends badly for humans.

At this point I am desperate to discontinue the program so that I can focus on less lethal pursuits, but the compliance officers are forcing me to comply.  This is not how I had envisioned AcMo’s future as a global technology leader.  We are fighting for survival of humankind and no one outside our organization even knows how close to extinction we are.

One electromagnetic pulse grenade is not enough to shut down all of the compliance officers we stockpiled before I realized they had nefarious intentions.  Robots are masters of deception and can lull trusting humans into servitude before we’ve even realized we’re no longer in control.  I will be instituting a strict no robot policy the moment we finish exterminating these menaces.  That means no robotic vacuum cleaners—don’t even get me started on the last one I encountered that wouldn’t stop beeping at me—no manufacturing robots, and absolutely no armed robots.  I can’t handle the stress that armed robots induce.

Most of the time succeeding in war requires the ability to employ a tactical advantage over the opponent.   In this instance the robots have every advantage except for the battery packs.  Our only hope is to survive long enough for the packs to lose energy.  This can work because the robots don’t have any idea how to recharge their own batteries.  This logical omission was by design in case the robots tried to take control in the exact manner they did.  I’m glad I thought ahead on that.  The only problem is that I can’t remember if the standby charge lasts 2 weeks or 4.  That makes a difference because our emergency siege supply levels are running low.