AcMo Spin Control Ver. 2.3

We tried to get this going once before with Spin Control, but we didn't engage enough resources at the time to make it viable.  We didn't make that mistake with Version 2.3.  It has a number of updated features and bug fixes.  Our spin control module is designed to fit inside your car's relay panel and will enhance the ECU's ability to prevent spins.  The module analyses data from every sensor in the vehicle, correlates that to road speed, direction of travel, intended direction of travel, and likelihood of the two directions of travel being the same.  The module then translates this information to the ECU so that it can take appropriate action if the car is destined for the nearest ditch.  It sounds simple, but it is quite complex.  The control algorithms have taken us years to create and perfect.  The module will prevent power from reaching the ECU in extreme cases.  The end result is that our vehicles can't be spun under their own power.

Another exciting new feature contained in Version 2.3 is the ability to alter all incoming bad AcMo news turning it positive.  We stumbled onto this curious side effect while teaching the module how to prevent vehicle spins.  Somehow it figured out that news is not that different from vehicle dynamics and started applying its skills where needed.  This is all relevant because the module has done a remarkable job of translating a startling report that originated from WAcMo HQ this morning.

It appears that the WAcMo COO has taken offense to my comments yesterday and has decided to fire back to prove the division's worth to AcMo.  It is a bit distressing that there are revelations contained in his messages that prove they are deeper into their advanced research than I realized.  This work has created products that are ready to ship and all we need to do is finalize the AcMo WAcMo revenue sharing agreement.

Not cold chillin' like I thought. 

WAcMo's COO took a whole day to point out that the colored people in this picture are in fact WAcMo employees.  Perhaps he realized something no one else did, or he is fabricating stories to justify his continued role within WAcMo.  Either way, it is thought provoking information.  He had no explanation for these employees not wearing their official WAcMo apparel while in public, but I think I have an answer for that.  According to the COO, these employees are working on the invisible panel project and this is a field test of some of the panels.  I can verify that the panels have achieved amazing invisibility levels, but at what cost?

The InvisoPanel® (WAcMo named it without my permission) Project's research indicated a potential stumbling block that my original hypothesis ignored.  I intuitively reasoned that invisible panels were also impervious panels, and that any car would become a tank if equipped with an invisible body.  WAcMo's testing has revealed that invisible bodies are no stronger than visible ones, and that they are damaged more frequently because they are invisible.  This damage can impact aero efficiency and thus reduce the performance envelope of the vehicle.  We are against any performance deficits, especially ones created by us.

The problems don't stop with aero deficiencies.  Ripped panels yield sharp edges that can injure pedestrians or other motorists because they can't see the jagged edges.  The COO is concerned about lawsuits taking down his division.  While lawsuits are always a concern at AcMo, our legal team is confident that it would be impossible for a plaintiff to prove damages from a panel that can't be seen.  However, ripped panels do not help the performance envelope either, so this needs to be addressed before we sell people invisible panels that we say can't be damaged but really can.

Advancements in the build process have yielded two classes of panels that will soon be available to consumers worldwide.  The second class panel is the AcMo ImpervoPanel® by WAcMo which is impervious to damage but completely visible.  UPS shipping is available at extra cost and insurance, and trust me, you want the insurance.  These panels are designed for the budget oriented who crash a lot.  It must be clarified that a vehicle fitted with ImpervoPanels® can be used as a weapon, so appropriate care is required when driving.  This won't be much of a problem once we have validated our trafficide weapons system because nothing is impervious to that advanced armament solution.

The first class panel is the AcMo ImpervoInvisoPanel® which has the benefits of the ImpervoPanel®, but also has the bonus feature of invisibility.  These first class panels are not cheap and can't be shipped via UPS.  The base price for a complete set is at least thirty times the MSRP of the vehicle to which you would like to affix the panels.  The pricing model was necessary to recoup the research expenditure required to perfect these panels, so we don't expect to sell more than a few hundred.

These breakthroughs were only possible because we have a dedicated staff of 49 different colored people toiling away in their labs 24/7 overseen by a dedicated COO.  That isn't entirely true.  These breakthroughs were only possible because I had the vision to assemble 49 colored people and give them direction and purpose and select the right person to lead them to the promised land.  Had I not created the original mission, those people would be nothing more than art installations.

The COO believes I should throw our colored people a couple extra blocks to recognize their service to the organization and their incredible breakthroughs.  Unlike the COO, I need to consider the overall environment with every action I take.  I will not have enough colored people on staff if I start providing extra blocks because they will finish their ship way ahead of schedule and flee to Rainbowlia before the end of their contract term.  WAcMo would be forced to shut down, and we would lose one of our most valuable divisions.  I have a solution because of my vast experience dealing with situations like this.  I will reward extra blocks for their work, but I will also sneak into their hangar bay and strategically remove important blocks to delay their ship completion progress.  It will be like my own private game of Jenga.  I  can keep them indefinitely with a brilliant plan like that.

The spin control module forces everything to make sense and always in AcMo's favor.  The ImpervoPanel® line was a covert project developed by AcMo.  It was designed to produce a new revenue stream and to also confirm that our security protocols are robust and efficient.  The secrecy required to complete this project was immense.  There was no other way to confirm project sanctity than to accuse the COO of not recognizing members of his colored people staff.  He sort of passed the test, or he's really good at making up stories, but we now know that AcMo is poised to control the market for invisible car bodies for years.