Responsible Personnel Management

When I see RPM I get excited at the possibility of a number greater than 10,000.  Anything less is unacceptable.  RPM in the automotive world is the abbreviation for the most important metric in an engine's ability to make power.  Revolutions Per Minute (how many minutes it can spin before exploding is determined by the state of tune and fuel octane rating) tell you everything you need to know about an engine.  The party doesn't start until 10,000 is surpassed.  Our street tuned engines blow up at 10,001 RPM, but man is it a sweet explosion!  The F1 engines we may or may not acquire can rev at least 5000 rpm more than our best street tuned engine.  Those kinds of revs are the reason why AcMo works so hard at perfecting engine explosions.

Internal AcMo operations use Responsible Personnel Management (RPM) to keep our employees in line.  Our WAcMo COO contacted HQ1 in the early morning hours to ask a question about the current staff.  He thought the people pictured below were WAcMo employees.  While we do have red, orange, yellow, and green people on staff, we also have blue, indigo, and violet.  All of our colored people wear their WAcMo gear at all times and are also not permitted breaks during daylight hours.

Cold chillin' 

I could immediately tell that these colored people weren't part of WAcMo because they weren't wearing their bomb proof suits and helmets, and there aren't any engine parts in front of them.  The biggest clue is the lack of motor oil stains all over the place.  Unless you've changed the oil on a car, you don't have any idea how easy it is for oil to splash everywhere.  The stuff seems to replicate and one will often find that the amount of spilled oil is greater than the volume in the vehicle.  Oil is one of the few liquids that only increases in volume during spills.

It was troubling that our COO didn't recognize that these were not WAcMo personnel given the large amount of clues available.  Our colored people aren't allowed out of their engine rooms, and that doesn't look like any of our engine rooms.  There's too much open air which can bring contaminants that hamper engine reliability.  All of those windows would give too much access to our proprietary engine building techniques.  It almost seems as if our COO doesn't know what WAcMo HQ looks like.  I'll have to inquire about that.  He will be in need of re-education, and reprogramming if my suspicion turns out to be correct.

This oversight indicates that I need to do a better job of handling our people because the COO is asking questions that should never be asked.  I swear, if he even hints at asking when he'll get paid I will go ballistic.  I'm so tired of people expecting payment for services rendered like money just appears out of the ether.  Our revenue streams can't accommodate payouts.  That's one of the reasons we use colored people similar to the ones pictured above, but not the ones pictured above.  They don't complain or cause drama, they just do their work in silence.  They lack mouths, so that explains why they operate in silent mode.  It is zen like watching them assemble an engine.  They don't need food or water--again, no mouths, and they don't need sick days or vacation.  They just work.  In fact, I don't think we have any of them on contract.

It took me a long time to build the whole team.  There are 7 in each squad and they are always the same colors:  red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet.  We have 7 squads to keep the situation symmetrical.  These are high precision constructions despite their exterior appearance.  AcMo's organ harvesting division is responsible for stuffing their insides with all of the essential elements to get them to function semi-autonomously.

AcMo doesn't like to take credit for most of the stuff we do, but we are always quick to take credit for other people's work that appears promising.  In this instance, our ingenious workforce multiplication scheme was an internal AcMo creation that was the result of our last whistleblower and one too many OSHA violations.  These new crews are happy to be here and eager to work for additional blocks.

They think I don't know, but I see where those additional blocks go.  The colored people are building their own ship to fly them back to their home planet of Rainbowlia.  I let them continue because I think some of their design solutions are innovative, and since they can't file lawsuits, AcMo can license their tech for free for our own purposes.  Having that tech in house makes the whole job even easier.  AcMo is always seeking efficient processes to help us achieve our goals with the least amount of labor possible.