Hydrate or Die

I mentioned yesterday that the new Desmosedici Stradale engine would be unveiled today.  It was.  It looks like an engine with 4 cylinders arranged in a V configuration.  That's why they call it a V4, duh.  I can't wait to start stockpiling these for various projects.

Your engine will not be able to float like these.

The Desmosedici Stradale is coming to AcMo!  Ducati is experiencing a bit of crisis right now because Audi and VW are apparently in conflict about what to do with their motorcycle brand.  AcMo has considerable crisis expertise.  The bickering will create an excellent opportunity for AcMo to slip in and take ownership.  Possessing Ducati--in a non Exorcist way--will give us a strong Italian base from which we can launch assaults on other legendary brands.  The speed of the only Ducatis AcMo employees would ride means that no one can catch us.

I felt it was important to share actual photos of the floating V4s since you are unlikely to see the production version with that capability.  We will also offer a modular modification program so you can have your AcMo Ducati V4 in V8, 12, and 16 configurations.  You can also have single or twin turbocharged versions of each configuration if you have a lot of money and are really dumb.  However, that is not the primary topic of today's post.  No, we have other information that must be shared.  This news came up today as an addendum to yesterday's exciting announcement of our pending collaboration with Williams Advanced Engineering to create the AcMo Car.  Jaguar has decided to do something unusual, but that has created another market opportunity for us to exploit.

Jaguar has restored this old E-type with an electric upgrade

The folly of this "upgrade" is laughable.  Jaguar was almost never able to turn a profit until a few years ago.  It took Tata Motors to rescue sinking revenues.  This is a sign of the old Jaguar sneaking out of its cage to wreak havoc on the quarterly statements.  That's why we're here.  The opportunity is too great to dismiss.

Our West Coast operative has been busy the past few days with excellent ideas that will improve AcMo's operating budget.  He has suggested that we create an additional revenue stream that can supply a product all electric car makers will want.  AcMo will manufacture battery packs that resemble engines and electric motor covers that look like traditional dual clutch transmissions.  We plan to factor in massive cost savings on the E-type conversion so that we can do it for around $200,000 US instead of the $400,000 Jaguar is charging.  Then we will do what every good capitalist does with a high demand, low supply product:  raise the price to $2,000,000 US.  THAT is how you make a profit selling a Jaguar.  Are you listening, Tata?

What our West Coast operative doesn't know is that we know he wants to convert his own car to an electric vehicle.  I'm sure he thinks we'll gain enough expertise from the Williams chassis and this new Jaguar venture to convert his car.  He is absolutely correct, but what he doesn't know is that the AcMo Employee Discount has been suspended, so he will have to pay full retail price for the conversion.  At this time I believe that will tally at about $250,000 US.  That does not include the price of the car, which he will have to buy from us even though he currently owns it.  We need to be certain the chain of custody is maintained in case there are any problems during the warranty period.  This type of thorough record keeping keeps us protected.

This plan is deeper than it might first appear to all of you.  We will also begin acquiring the engines from every single one of the converted Jaguars.  Those engines will become quite valuable when the owners want to switch back to an internal combustion engine.  The only option at that point will be AcMo.  I don't see how we could possibly return the cars to their stock configuration for anything less than $2,000,000 US.  You have no idea the amount of labor involved in removing high voltage electrical systems.  Someone has to pay to mitigate the risk of certain death.  Once again, that is how you make a profit on a Jaguar.  I don't even like Jaguars, but I can't wait to start making them great again with the help of this electric car fad.

Now that we're done talking about electric car conversions for the moment, I can focus on today's super exciting news.  AcMo is getting into the dehydrated water business thanks to a tip from our West Coast operative.  He knows some people involved in this very exciting industry, and he has agreed to organize a meeting.

Bernard Foods Dehydrated Water

This plan has a lot of parts that need to mesh before we can succeed.  Precision is part of our operating process, so get ready for some precise movements.  This is non-GMO, Kosher, Vegan approved, and the best thing ever created since the turbocharger.  Our operative has already produced an action plan to take us to the top of this industry.

He said, "The geniuses figured out that all the reduced weight translates into reduced shipping costs that in turn goes straight to profits. Plus paper packets are way less expensive than plastic bottles, and way better for the environment.  So there is also a good possibility of getting a big chunk of the environmental government grant money before it's cut off.  PLUS, I think you could turn around and sell it to Campbell's for a huge profit as it would be the perfect complement to their condensed soup line."

I have a contact at Campbell's, so I am working to set up a meeting to get a sales contract.  They would be foolish to pass on an opportunity this big.  Sometimes it is hard to constantly create market moving innovations, but it helps to have a solid team rolling with you.  This is the type of vision that creates generational empires.  The Romans might still be running things if they had figured out this dehydrated water thing.  I suspect it played a role in the construction of the pyramids, but we'll never know for sure unless we can decipher their alien texts.

I had to develop the initial plan into something more robust before we could claim it as an AcMo tactical battle plan.  That development work allowed me to see the synergy with another new AcMo project.  We will switch from sending opened mail to just removing the envelopes from the process.  We can use those envelopes to send dehydrated water around the world.  This reduces our costs since we won't have to buy envelopes or stamps, and it will raise our brand awareness.

Dehydrated water is an excellent source of antioxidants and fire suppression.  Everyone should have several packs of the stuff in their emergency kits and GO bags.  You can't be prepared for everything if you don't have dehydrated water in your supplies.  By now most of you should know the drill, we are going to corner the market on dehydrated water and then ramp up the price.  Everyone at AcMo wins.

The AcMo dehydrated water plant should be operational long before our wind tunnel and dynamometer rooms are completed.  That will give us all the time we need to make the world understand how important dehydrated water is to life on this planet.  We may even take our dehydrated water to space since it travels so well.