It is important that we bolster AcMo's war chest because we are about to engage in a long and multi-faceted battle. I already know that uncovering the truth behind ACME and its relationship to Wile E. Coyote is not going to be simple or quick, and ACME will not appreciate being exposed to the world. Mercedes AMG HPP will not be happy with us after they discover what we've done. Williams Advanced Engineering won't be either, but they can't be as mad as Mercedes because we're still committed to buying our electric car chassis from Williams. They'll get over the hurt feelings, they have to because they want the sales. Today we're going to add another company to our hurt feelings list: Progressive Insurance.
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| The box is trying to look cool while living on borrowed time |
The newest brilliant AcMo idea (that's probably redundant at this point, you know how we roll) occurred to me while thinking about that smirking Progressive box who rides a hoverboard in the mall. That smirk is going to get erased from its face after the first crash. The Progressive executives know those things catch on fire b/c they’ve paid many claims as a result. Why promote a known dangerous product? I'm talking about the hoverboard, not the Progressive box. The box is reckless, but I don't think it is a true danger to others. I do believe the box is highly flammable, which is another reason it shouldn't be riding an incendiary device. This is bad enough, but the fact that the box is riding with a beverage is unacceptable. If anyone should understand how important safety is, it would be the insurance company's box. How can it not know this stuff? Now that I put deeper thought into this subject it occurs to me that the box might not have a brain. That would explain a lot.
Seeing the box flaunt the laws of nature and physics in a mall with actual people in it is disturbing. I'm used to the ghost town malls we have now that the Amazon apocalypse has taken control. The more I thought about this violation, the angrier I became. I don't turn green when I get angry, I start creating ideas. Some...ok, a lot are bad ideas because I let my anger cloud my judgment. Eventually I can establish an equilibrium and the ideas start to become more actionable. My first idea was to test fire our laser x-ray gun at the box's head area so I can see what's inside. That would answer my question about the presence of a brain, at least for the nanosecond the interior of the box survived the laser shot. The problem is that the last thing I want to do is turn that box into a martyr. Progressive has caused enough emotional damage to me with their commercials starring Flo, so I don't want to give them the option to memorialize a potentially empty box that can somehow talk potentially without a brain and move without legs.
The angrier I became, the more the ideas flowed. That's when I realized trafficide on a box was excessive, but I could put the company out of business by taking away all of their customers. The easiest way to re-route customers is to have a competing business. That hit me like a lightning bolt without the burns and intense pain. The answer was right in front of me from the beginning. AcMo needs its own insurance company to protect us from engine related losses and other vehicle calamities, while also bringing in an additional revenue stream. AcMo Automotive Casualty Insurance sprang forth from the Progressive box. The synergy is so prevalent that I feel dumb for not recognizing the opportunity years ago. The side benefit is that we can put that box out of business forever.
AcMo already has a driver certification program which provides qualified drivers with a deflector shield and anti-targeting measures that might or might not work. Those will be needed because we are advancing to our third generation trafficide weapons system attached to autonomous drones that follow the owner and clear any traffic impediments. All we need to do for complete industry dominance is get our driver certification program entered into federal law so that every licensed driver will have to pay us to achieve certification. That is an additional revenue stream that developed from my anger toward the Progressive box.
Instead of disrupting the auto insurance industry, we are going to run our insurance company like every other successful one. The whole business is designed to accept premiums, but never pay claims. There won't be any provision to pay out on anything. We will make it physically impossible. The AcMo Claims Department will be available for consulting services after we have established a market stronghold. This accelerates our upward revenue potential while protecting our bottom line from losses. I don't think this kind of ingenuity is taught at even the most prestigious business schools. How could it be? That is ultimate level capitalism that only a few enlightened minds can access and understand. This is the type of strategic and tactical thinking we'll need to prevail in our war.
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