A Partial WARNING to AcMo’s Competitors

Behold the power of the Magic 8-Ball!

I found my Magic-8 Ball a few weeks ago! This means that I will soon become unstoppable because I possess the power of a Magic 8-Ball.  I didn't say anything sooner because I had been waiting for it to tell me when to release that information. You'll realize how serious this situation is after you stop laughing.  It will dawn on you that I'm not joking because between the Ouija board and these 8-balls, no question remains unanswered.  The Ouija's knowledge base helped me scale AcMo's wormhole program when all of the so-called physicists I contacted said it was impossible.  It was so ridiculously easy to scale the wormhole too.  All we had to do was activate it and physics handled the rest.  You can actually see it from space now because it won't stop scaling.

Gloating is not professional so I don't intend to throw my recent successes in their faces until I can also shove them through a wormhole and be certain they won't emerge with superpowers.  That would be real unfortunate for AcMo if I inadvertently gave a group of upset physicists superpowers.  Although, it would confirm a theory I've had for a while, and might allow me to power up AcMo.  Hmm...I wonder if our beta tester is up for some wormhole jumping?  I can probably entice him with the promise of an optional railgun (some assembly required, ammo NOT INCLUDED) on the other side.

  What you don’t know is that Buffett uses a Magic 8-Ball to make all of his business decisions. Not really, since he uses multiple Magic 8-Balls before making any decision. The truth is that he owes his fortune and business success to Mattel.  I don't care if the secret is known to the public because it takes more than possessing a Magic 8-Ball to use it to succeed.  You have to know the proper way to hold it and how to shake it to get the correct answers.  They get mad if you shake them too hard and then provide only vague answers out of spite.  I gained this valuable insight through experience and by watching others try to hustle people on busy street corners. 

This is only a partial warning because I was going to bluff regarding my Magic 8-Ball's power level, but I don't think that's wise.  My Magic 8-Ball has lost some of its magic. I blame Oprah since this coincides with the creation of her network and she has blocked my access to it. I used to learn everything important about life from watching Oprah.  That ended when she started the OWN Network.  Now I can't learn all of the things I need to know to be my best self.  I think Oprah was sustaining the magic in my Magic 8-Ball.  That is probably the secret to her success as well.

What kind of answer is that?

I have most of my desk engineers working to fix this critical problem, but they have so far been ineffective.  We can't even find the diagnostic port on it to connect our computer.  Even worse, no one knows if the liquid inside the Magic 8-Ball is radioactive or not.  We've tried the Geiger counter on it, but the readings are erratic so we can't be sure if the counter is reacting to magic, radioactivity, or some combination of both.

This problem has prevented me from moving forward on several promising projects because I can't get clear answers any longer.  I would happily pay up to $2.50 US if anyone would sell or lease a Magic 8-Ball, or can provide a technical manual and a source for the potentially radioactive fluid that creates the magic.

AcMo is open to all options at this point.  We want to be back operating like Warren Buffett, but we cannot do that without a functional Magic 8-Ball. Anyone who says they can succeed in business without consulting either a Magic 8-Ball or Ouija board isn't being honest.  Every successful CEO's safe has one or both of those items in it.  I know because I've checked them all.