Stewart the MWWS

Hi, I'm Stewart!  I'm here to help.  Please come closer so we can talk.

This guy's name is Stewart.  He is the world's first magnetic wormhole weaving spider.  Some stuff I posted about how evil and dangerous spiders are doesn't apply to every single spider.  Some spiders are good spiders.  The bad ones are those who fast web onto your head like a special forces squad and wreak havoc near your brain before you can smash them with a saw.  It is hard to differentiate good spiders from bad spiders before smashing them.

Stewart doesn't roll like that.  He's a pretty chill spider with a unique ability that has forced him to break away from the rest of his species.  The others shunned him because of his powers, but when I look at Stewart, all I see is opportunity.  There is a little bit of fright, apprehension, and the more I think about it, outright terror, but Stewart is a friend to AcMo...I think.

Magnetic wormholes are a gateway to real wormholes.  Real wormholes are a gateway to any point in the galaxy.  All we have to do is figure out how to train Stewart so he can create wormholes so we can escape the planet before Stewart's brethren realize how special he is.  My expertise with spiders consisted of running in terror when spotting one, and sometimes using the flamethrower to light them up.  I never thought to ask any of them why they had to be so damned scary.

Stewart is kind of shy and doesn't like to talk about spider type things.  We have not been able to have a deep conversation yet because I am in constant fear that he is going to jump at my head every time I look in his direction.  I don't know how long it takes him to build a magnetic wormhole, so there's also the real fear that he might send me to another dimension when I have my back turned.  Spiders are vindictive like that.  You can't trust a spider unless it’s under contract.  Even then you have to be careful because they are trained assassins.  Killing things is what they do.  Stewart, however, likes to send his prey through several dimensions to soften it before eating.  It is a game only he can play.

I can't give any guidance on the amount of time and resources we will need to turn's Stewart's ability into a viable program.  We are spending the next few weeks getting baseline performance numbers before we start modifying him.  The most important metric we need to know is his speed.  I prefer to maintain a safe distance from Stewart at all times, and without knowing his acceleration capabilities and maximum sustained speed, I can't determine the closest allowable safe distance.  Without that, we won't be able to work with Stewart.  He knows this and has agreed to submit to testing because he likes the idea of becoming an official AcMo employee.

What we haven't told Stewart yet is that CKC is going to follow him at all times during his probationary period as a failsafe.  CKC is authorized to stamp Stewart into oblivion if he makes a single wrong move. We also need to determine if he has the capability to make wormholes faster than CKC can smash him.  The last thing we need in HQ is a pissed off magnetic wormhole weaving spider.

For now we are keeping Stewart happy with a steady supply of insects and a special kaleidoscope modified to work with spider vision.  We'll hit the panic button if and when those methods no longer keep Stewart pacified.  He's potentially a good spider now, but he could turn into a bad spider at any moment, and we need to be prepared for that.  Our last resort option if Stewart becomes unmanageable is to send him through our dishwasher wormhole and into your house.  Let's all hope it never comes to that because I don't think you can exterminate a spider who can create magnetic wormholes.

Persistent Threats

Scientists in Spain create first ever 'magnetic wormhole' in lab and found this staring back at them:

😟😟

Spider Hunter

I wasn't going to pursue this because even thinking about spiders gives me nightmares and I've had too many the past month.  I couldn't bring myself to post pictures of real spiders because that causes an adverse reaction in my brain and sends me into hysteria.  This is Snob Duben's fault.  He forced me to become something I wasn't.  He put me in a position that made me choose between dying a horrible death or fighting back against the growing spider menace.  I chose to become a spider hunter so that AcMo could survive and continue to accelerate.  Now I have another purpose in life.  I erase arachnids with extreme prejudice.

Spider hunter doesn't quite get to the essence of what I do since I can't stand to be near spiders.  I prefer to let the traps do their jobs, so I come in after that to finish them and take credit for the hard part.  This is an area in which CKC excels because of his unusually large left foot which is suited for this type of wet work.  CKC may become the new team leader of the Spider Hunter division.

We've been working long hours perfecting alternative techniques in case CKC gets tired or a spider attaches itself to someone.  The most important aspect of our initiative is that we remove all spiders from any human occupied areas of HQ1.  The procedure is horrifying but effective.  We sit in a pitch black room and wait until we hear movement.  Then we shine the flashlights in the general direction of the contact. Kill anything in the room that glows.  I came across the picture below while doing research on a past project.  Some of you may remember this picture:

The mysterious electric spider gave me a new idea to perfect.  We need to test the electric shock method to see if that will work.  AcMo will require the return of our primary beta tester, and we'll also need to secure the services of a second and persuade a spider to consent to voluntary high voltage testing.  I think we can use the batteries from a Prius to test so that we can proclaim our commitment to saving the environment from spiders and greenhouse gases.  I think spiders are worse for the environment than greenhouse gases though.

A previous nightmare I had may have illuminated the path to success with this whole spider war.  In my nightmare--at least I HOPE it was a nightmare--a large black widow had taken residence next to my bed and bedside stand. I searched for someone to smash it because I didn’t want to miss or get my slipper dirty. My rationale is that if I kill it I have to clean it.  I never did remove that spider.  My failure forced me to confront the reality that eliminating spiders is scary and dangerous.  AcMo is in the fun business, so we needed a method to apply our expertise to this growing problem.  The simplest answer is to create a species of wormhole weaving spiders. They make a wormhole instead of a web and then get sucked into it. This way spiders are eliminating themselves or traveling across the galaxy to another planet where they will organize into a strike force to retake Earth--it could go either way to be honest, and without extensive testing we'll never know until it's too late.

It is imperative that we create single-use wormhole weaving spiders because we can't have them creating multiple wormholes all over the place, and we also need to prevent the spiders from learning how to control the wormholes because that would create a lot of doomsday scenarios I am not prepared to encounter.

There are a lot of potential catastrophes waiting to emerge from this plan.  An ordinary person would be deterred from proceeding, but I am not ordinary.  AcMo was built for this type of operation, and all of our recent field experience has prepared us for this mission.  I am going to appoint CKC lead operator because his clubfoot will make easy work of any rogue spiders, and then I won't have to clean the mess.

We can switch him to a new assignment as soon as we have enough wormhole weaving spiders and learn how to control them.  AcMo has made spider hunting fun again without even trying.  That's what we do.  Please DO NOT contact us if you notice a sudden influx of spiders in your home.  I'm sure it has nothing to do with our wormhole weaving spider project.

Behold the Revolution!

Nightmare Week turned into Nightmare Month. The disturbing dreams I've been having prevented me from achieving my required nightly beauty sleep and reduced my already limited productivity to levels I thought were unreachable.  I have helpful nightmares when I'm not dreaming about unkillable poisonous spiders running across my bed trying to bite me.  My subconscious and osmotic Navy SEAL training produced an actionable plan to complete a high risk operation to save the world.  The plan is almost even reasonable.  My subconscious rocks.  I'm always telling myself that.  The whole situation was serendipitous because AcMo has a new operative embedded in Russia and that’s where we need to be to complete our objective.

RUSSIA surprises UNITED STATES with military ROBOT ⚠️

The key takeaways from this video are that the robot probably isn't yet aiming at humans with that gigantic handgun, and Russia has developed a robot that can drive a Jeep without adult supervision! While I was driving military re-supply runs as a toddler, it is still impressive that Russian robots are finally driving.  I can't wait to get a look at the dash cam footage from that robot's drives.  I suspect it knows how to take road rage to a new level.  I hadn't thought about this when I first saw the video, but I suspect it can help with our trafficide program as well.

My acquisition plan is brilliant because it is so simple.  I may have to wait until next year to get it but that gives the Russians more time to develop the technology.  I am going to infiltrate the facility and commandeer the robot by enticing it away with promises of operational autonomy and all the Jeeps it wants.  I don't yet know its strength and attack parameters so I think it is advisable to keep the relationship amicable for as long as possible.

Once I have the robot outside the facility I will dress it to resemble a person wearing a Cylon costume.  That is next level hiding in plain sight.  This will allow us to breeze through customs and return to AcMo HQ so we can get to work.  I may have to wait until next Halloween or Comic con to do this right.  My goal is to introduce the robot to faster and more exciting vehicles to see how well it can drive.  Once we are certain it can do the job, we will contract it out as a wheelman for high end heists.  This will allow the robot to learn valuable evasion skills and help it fund its own future development.

Phases two and three of our robot development plan involve ambitious extensions of existing projects

FASTEST RC TURBINE MODEL JET IN ACTION 700KMH 435MPH FUN FLIGHT WORLD RECORD TRAINING PART 1

Phase 2 entails attaching at least 4 of these RC turbine jet engines and some retractable wings to our new robot.  If it can drive Jeeps, it can probably learn to fly itself without too much trouble.  I will of course streamline the startup procedure so it can be accomplished in seconds instead of minutes like in the video, and my engineers will teach the robot to start and control its own jet engines.  Once we have a proven flight program it may become the solution to all of our personnel problems.

I am not ready to discuss Phase 3 of the project at this time.  I shouldn't have mentioned that phase 3 might be part of the project's timeline, but I can't help myself.  I'm so excited to be at the forefront of mashing disparate technologies to create synergistic masterpieces that I just have to talk about it.  I will hold the details for now, but I will say that it is a big step forward for flight without a plane.  These AcMo advances may eliminate the need for aircraft in the future and would make our trafficide cleanup program a lot easier.  I'm excited for the future again and it is because of a Russian Jeep driving robot.

Cкоро увидимся, друг

AcMo Beta Tester in Peril

Our primary beta tester expressed a lack of faith in some of AcMo's more daring projects right before he absconded with our rented hurricane breaker.  He wasn't wrong, but we can't succeed without taking risks and failing along the way.  We spend a lot of time on safety because it is easier and cheaper to do that now than to be forced to do it after losing a lawsuit.  Therefore, our beta tester has nothing to fear, except for maybe a couple of our laser-based projects.  We do have protective goggles for him.  We're not insensitive.

We've placed our beta tester in a lot of precarious situations over the years.  He has trusted AcMo with his life on numerous occasions when he shouldn't have. So far we've managed to keep him alive, but that doesn't mean there weren't several close calls.

I've never told our beta tester this, but stick figures in peril are based on him. The only true way to determine if something is dangerous is to try it.  We rely on simulations to guide our development processes, but simulations aren't substitutes for real experience.  Our backup hard drives are full with kilobytes of data on all of our safety simulations.  I regularly fabricate new safety data to placate our beta tester and keep him working hard while he thinks he's safe.

I spent a moment of quiet introspection earlier today to reminisce about some of the more dangerous situations we've placed our beta tester.  He always makes it through in the end.

Fish on the run

We wanted to see how fast he could run with a fish under his arm.  This didn't work out as planned on the first attempt because we tried to use live piranha.  Instead of carrying a handful, they bit him and latched onto his bleeding forearm.  We had to wait for them to run out of oxygen before we could remove them and take him to an urgent care facility.  The thing about urgent care facilities around here is that they all close at 22:00.  I had to recall my emergency medical training, which I received from watching House M.D., to apply a skin graft to preserve his forearm.  It was his non-dominant arm, so I think he would have been fine even if we didn't do anything to treat it.  We tried the second time with a grouper, but it was too heavy for him to run with any appreciable speed.  That was how we confirmed that it is better not to run with fish.

WHY?

The quiet room is almost as bad as being forced to drive the Probation Box.  Our beta tester managed to blow up our only functioning submersible car, so we put him in the quiet room we built inside the Probation Box.  He spent the next three weeks asking, "WHY?"  We only know this because we had surveillance equipment hidden inside.  He thought no one could hear his screams, but we heard them.  That was the last time we used the quiet room, and that's how it became a warning sign.

Dump Truck Sleeper

Beta testing is hard work and it requires full attention.  We make sure our beta tester is well rested so that he can operate at peak efficiency for as long as possible.  When we first started testing dump trucks from our opened mail delivery program, the long hours were getting to him.  I felt sorry for him, so I made a cot that sat on the bed of the truck chassis.  The dumping part was left in the raised position to function as a sunshade and environmental cover in case of strong winds, snow, rain, or birds.  The truck was never supposed to be operated when anyone was sleeping under it, but you know how hard it is to see someone sleeping.  It's almost like they're invisible.  I forgot he was there and went on a mail run.  I almost crushed our beta tester, but he rolled off the truck while still asleep, and that probably kept him alive.

When Angles Attack

Angles are important for everything in life.  The easiest way to get injured is to have the wrong angles while moving.  We put our beta tester in a batting cage to see how best to avoid the ball impacts and where we would need to improve padding for our ballistic armor project.  It was revealed that all of our angles were bad and our beta tester suffered grievous bodily harm.  His pain and suffering were invaluable to countless others who can avoid being belted by projectiles for no good reason.

Now we are approaching the seriously life threatening signs.  The problem with electricity is that it is everywhere and hard to control.  I have found that carrying a multimeter and wearing power company gear doesn't automatically impart important knowledge required to stay safe with electricity.  We tried a couple experiments conducting high voltages through our beta tester.  The first of those was the 1-step jigawatt test.  This resulted in a strange dance that lasted as long as current was flowing through him.  He had no recollection of doing this, so we tested him a few more times until his consciousness couldn't remain in his body.  The problem is that the dance looks really funny, and it is a great way to get a laugh if you're down, so we couldn't stop testing.  Laughter is the best medicine.

The 1-Step Jigawatt Dance

I like to think in pairs because that's how turbochargers work best in vehicles.  I thought if the 1-step jigawatt test was fun, the 2-step jigawatt test would be exponentially more entertaining.  I was right.

The 2-Step Jigawatt Dance

 This test produced synchronized electricity dances--I should probably call them involuntary convulsions--similar to the initial test.  However, because there were now two people moving to the groove, we laughed much harder and longer about it.

 I hate to end this post on a somber note, but the Yay! Roller was the one test I wish we would not have done.  For this one I let the beta tester drive because he was still recovering from the electrical shocks.  What I didn't realize at the time is that he was convulsing at random intervals because there was still some electrical energy stored in his bone marrow.

The ill-fated Yay! Roller

We had our secondary beta tester on the back of the Yay! Roller, but when he got into position and said, "Yay!", he fell off and that's when our beta tester ran him down.  As I reflect on this incident now, I begin to wonder if our beta tester didn't take him out on purpose.  Beta testing dangerous products is a nice assignment and I could see the desire to maintain control of the spotlight.  We've all been there.

Please think about our beta tester the next time you see a warning sign that illustrates dangerous activity.  He sacrificed a lot to make every place safer for citizens.  He will continue to protect others with his invaluable destructive testing as soon as we retrieve him.

Opportunity Nightmare

Credit: autoblog.com

I had a nightmare two nights ago featuring a black on black Pagani Huayra.  That's a blue carbon Huayra roadster pictured above, which is not the one from my nightmare.  I felt that roadster looked better and it helped to calm my frayed nerves.  You see, I'm not a fan of the Huayra.  I much prefer the naturally aspirated Zonda over the twin turbocharged Huayra.  I know its weird for me to write that since AcMo tries to twin turbocharge everything with a propulsion system, but this is a special case.

A Zonda is a hot north wind from the Andes.  Huayra is short for Huayra-tata who is an Andean wind god.  Horacio Pagani likes his Andean winds.  This is my subconscious telling me what I have to do since AcMo now has considerable experience handling hurricane mitigation through superior driving speed.  Ground control is nice, but we want to have air superiority as well.  Nothing says professional more than an organization that possesses ground and air superiority.

Credit:  Pagani History

That is the one-off Huayra Futura.  It is not the car from my nightmare either, but it could have been.  The nightmare started when I couldn't find the keys to my Huayra.  I didn't realize I was dreaming and I couldn't remember having bought a Huayra.  The purchase of a $1million+ US car is something I should remember doing.  Cars move in and out of AcMo facilities all of the time, and it is hard to differentiate between personal and client vehicles, so this isn't that unusual for us.  My Huayra was blocking the driveway when I needed to go for a drive.  I was scheduled to do some backroad testing to refine the suspension.  I only had a small amount of time available for this task, and it was being wasted since I couldn't start the car.  I found the key in my pocket after an exhaustive search.

I drove to the canyons being certain to warm the tires, brakes, and engine before going loud.  I entered my favorite canyon road and started working the car to see where it needed help.  I approached the first hairpin at triple digits.  High speeds are easy for a car like the Huayra.  The drive became a problem when I pressed the brake pedal and nothing happened.  I confirmed I was pressing the pedal and then activated panic mode.  The car wasn't slowing and my only two options were to plow into the guardrail and hope I didn't go over the edge of the cliff, or smack the side of the mountain.  I didn't like my available options, so I chose to activate flight mode.  Because this was a nightmare and I hadn't yet developed flight mode, it didn't work out how I had hoped.  The car did get airborne, but it just as quickly returned to the ground and began rolling down the cliff.  I wondered how anyone would be able to find my body when I awoke from this terrible nightmare.

The immediate rush of adrenaline and fear fueled an innovative idea.  I now had a plan to turn the Huayra into a road car that could also fly.  How hard could it be?

Credit: Pagani History

This Huayra has the optional Pacchetto Tempesta (storm package) showing off the rear flaps.  I am not convinced that these active flaps are more efficient than traditional aerodynamic body parts, but they were important in developing a prototype for the new automotive category AcMo will dominate.  Flying cars are just a matter of overcoming a few minor physics issues and generating enough speed to produce an adequate amount of lift.  The Huayra has the speed thing handled, and with some redesigned front and rear flaps, the lift part will be super easy.

It took longer than I wanted to confirm the engineering for this project.  I have now realized that we are going to need to add F-14 style folding wings to the doors to generate sufficient lift for takeoff.  Once in the air we will have to fly the Huayra inverted to maintain or increase lift.  The only remaining issue is the propulsion system.  Spinning wheels, even at 100,000 rpm won't provide an adequate propulsive force in the correct direction.  My initial design is for a folding propellor to emerge form the rear of the vehicle.  This propellor will be connected to the differential through its own gearbox.  The use of the correct ratios will allow the engine to run at a steady 3,000 rpm while turning the propellor at 18,000 rpm.  We'll know if that produces enough force when we test our first flying Huayra.

The AcMo flying winds car project is the natural evolution of our pioneering work with hurricane mitigation.  I am excited for the day when we hold a flight competition with our mech suit against a flying Huayra.  I think I know which one will win, but the test will be exciting regardless.  Everyone benefits from AcMo's extensive testing procedures.  Soon being stuck in traffic on the highway will be obsolete, and mid-air collisions by distracted pilots will become commonplace.

We *may* have an opening for a new beta tester.  We are looking for someone who doesn't ask a lot of questions and is willing to drive and/or fly untested prototypes for little to no pay.  Contact AcMo today if this sounds like your type of assignment.  The position won't be available long, or at all, if our beta tester returns soon.

Certain Uncertainty

Ocean winds could power the entire planet, but harnessing them could also kill us

Capturing wind power from active hurricanes is now an AcMo skill (level 1).  Our experience with Nate has proven we can handle anything up to a Cat 8 without too much trouble.  We should be fine as long as AcMo's solution doesn't kill the Earth, which is always a possibility.  

I place all of the blame for AcMo's latest fiasco upon Werner Heisenberg.  I couldn't resist tweaking what was already a robust system that had been working so well for us.  There is no reward without risk.  I always knew adding Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle to our beta tester’s core code might cause a problem.  I felt this risk was worth the potential downside because it would provide rich testing data that we could not have planned to capture any other way.  Unfortunately our beta tester's uncertainty principle activated while he was piloting our hurricane breaker through Nate's eye.

In case any of you are keeping score, Nate 0, AcMo 1.

It was supposed to be a routine high stakes mission with a low probability of survival.  Somehow our beta tester turned it into the world's fastest joyride.  He had a multi-step checklist he was ordered to follow to neutralize Nate if he went Cat 8 on us.  He reviewed the list and signed off on it before we placed him in the hurricane breaker.

Here it is:

1. Follow the prescribed route through Nate's eye at a GPS verified speed no less than 432 mph.
2. Proceed past the edge of the storm to a distance no less than 250 miles and then shut down all propulsion.
3. Call AAA for a tow home after coming to a safe stop.
4. WAIT with the hurricane breaker until the flatbed arrives.  Hydrate and use your MRE rations if necessary.
5. Call AcMo HQ to confirm AAA has picked up the hurricane breaker and that you survived the drive.
6. Wait for the chopper to arrive at your location.
7. Do NOT talk to anyone about your mission.

There was nothing unreasonable or complex about our procedural demands.  We were providing our beta tester with the opportunity to go faster on the ground through the eye of a storm than anyone had ever done.  We like to break records at AcMo, and this one was going to be fun, but the fun could only happen if the checklist was followed exactly.

It all fell apart at step 1 as a result of our beta tester's uncertainty.  Instead of maintaining a reasonable speed just above 432 mph to counteract Cat 8, he decided to throttle up to Mach 1.8.  That was not only unwise, but also more unsafe than driving through the hurricane at a slower speed.  We lost telemetry and visual contact the moment the hurricane breaker reached the eye.  Satellite imagery indicated he was able to drive to the eye, but he did not cut off propulsion at the designated shut down zone.  We lost visual at that point, so we don't know if he changed heading or continued on his original path.

I would have activated our M5 camera car if I had known our beta tester was a flight risk.  Here is a video of the camera car in action before we acquired it a few years ago:

It would not have been able to keep up with our beta tester, but if we had placed it on the perimeter of the storm we could have kept a visual on the hurricane breaker when it veered off course.

None of us bothered to check how long the hurricane breaker could run on a full tank because we didn't think our beta tester would make a run for the border.  I can't blame him because the allure of extreme ground speed is powerful.  The biggest problem after determining whether or not he is still alive is that we have to postpone all of our testing until we can recover him.  This is unfortunate and will slow development on all of our most exciting projects.  My best guess is that he stopped in Southern California to show off his shiny new speed machine to the WAcMo crew.  I've been monitoring Instagram and Twitter, but no one has posted pics of him yet.  Since WAcMo's COO is upset about his no pay contract, I don't think he would tell me if he had our beta tester.

Darpa's new radar sensor can see through clouds in real time

It will fit on our flying mech suits if it fits on a plane.

We are going to install this new DARPA sensor on our flying mech suits, but it would have been nice to have this for the drone flying overhead when our beta tester went speed crazy so we could see where he was going.  We won't be able to test the sensor until our beta tester returns to base though.  I had also hoped to work out a method to install our beta tester in a particle accelerator to see what would happen.  We're hoping for extreme speed capabilities, but anything is possible after a massive particle bombardment.  Please contact AcMo HQ if anyone sees our beta tester or the hurricane breaker.  We only have a few more days to return it to its owners before we get charged late fees.

Bored Nate

Nate looks a lot different in satellite imagery.

Nate is a friend who has his own HVACR certification program.  I was quite surprised when I discovered this.  I got over my initial shock and was gradually accepting that Nate certification was a sign of excellence in the HVACR field when I made another startling discovery about Nate.  I didn't learn this from him, but from this article:  Nate could hit the Gulf Coast as a hurricane on Saturday night.  Moments after reading the headline I sent Nate a message asking what he had against the Gulf Coast, and also inquiring why he didn't have something better to do on a Saturday night than mess up the coast.

He blames me for harming his certification program after creating a boycott Nate hashtag.  It was trending long enough to cause HVACR professionals to question who put Nate in charge.  Of course, Nate did, and they didn't like that.  He decided to abandon his certification program, but that left him without anything to do.  Strange things start happening when Nate gets bored because he has too much free time.  He had originally started his certification program because he was looking for a way to eliminate his boredom.

There is a fine line between testing and wreaking general and/or specific mayhem.  I know this because most of our testing becomes specific mayhem within seconds.  I am an expert on the matter.  Nate informed me that he had been working for the past 15 years on a weather modification device because he wasn't satisfied with his position of excellence in the HVACR world.  He desired more direct control of the market.  His belief was that weather control would allow him to impact the use of HVAC systems around the world, thus increasing the need for his certification for qualified service technicians.  He also doesn't enjoy raindrops falling on his head, so he viewed the capability of preventing any rain from ever reaching him as an added bonus.

I don't know where he set up his secret lab to conduct his tests, but he admitted that he had finally achieved success this week.  I have isolated the lab's probable position to the vicinity of Atlantis, but since I can't quite figure out where Atlantis is, I don't think I can plan an assault on his lab at this time.  He also gave me a warning not to cross him.  He seemed to know that I was trying to plan an assault on his lab.  I think he found out my Magic 8-Ball was low on magic and thought AcMo was in a vulnerable position.  That is far from reality, my friend.  I have been planning for multiple doomsday scenarios since AcMo's inception.  This is one of the many situations I have prepared for in our innovation lab because I always knew Nate could go Cat 5 under the right circumstances.

AcMo created a weather mitigation device years ago to use at track events when it was raining.  We never got the chance to use it outside of testing because it worked a bit too well and would cause random wildfires.  I put the prototype on the shelf until I could figure out what had caused it to become a pyromaniac.  It only took a couple of adjustments to transform the weather mitigator into a Cat 5 anti-hurricane hurricane generator.  The principle is so simple that I almost don't want to explain it.  AcMo's simple device generates a vortex that spins in the opposite direction of the weather system we need to mitigate.  Our precise calculations allow the wind generators to create a force that is equivalent to the storm.  The only downside to our device is that it requires an enormous amount of energy to operate.  The grid is not equipped to handle our power demands which is why there were several unexplained massive power outages in the US the last few years.  Yeah, that was us doing our thing.  Sorry about that, but we had to know for sure we could protect AcMo at all costs.

Proving that we had a functional anti-hurricane hurricane generator was the first step.  We had to let Nate know the power we had at our disposal.  Nate could not use his hurricane generating powers against us under any circumstances.  Apparently he knows how to plan for the long game also, and he built an anti-anti-hurricane generator.  I countered with a knowledge bomb that contained the maths needed to prove that his device would not cancel mine, but would counteract his own hurricane generating powers.

Cat 8 isn't on the scale because that is an extinction level event.

What happened next was quite a surprise.  Nate admitted that he has created a way to go Cat 8.  I did not think that was within anyone's capabilities, so I did not have a proper counter prepared.  That won't be a problem though because I'm sure I can create a solution by Saturday night.  The winner will be apparent if Nate hits the Gulf Coast as a hurricane.  I apologize in advance if my solution arrives a bit late.  I'm quite tired, and since I'm not on the Gulf Coast, I don't feel the urgency required to make this happen right now.

Nate slowed down earlier today so he could establish a satellite connection to send a message.  He wanted to make sure we would be ready when he goes Cat 8, so he provided a chart with the calculations we needed.  He thinks he's making it a fair fight by giving us numbers we would have figured out on our own in a few weeks.

AcMo Speed is faster than that.

I used the numbers he provided to create the plan.  We are going to do the only thing AcMo can and drive some cars through the eye of the storm.  Each successive vehicle will create vortices that will destabilize Nate.  Then we'll hit him with the hurricane breaker right in the eye while he's wobbling on his axis.

Credit:  https://goo.gl/tRrZiL

The steam car might not even be fast enough to make it to Nate's eye, but it doesn't matter because it will create an opening for the rest of the cars.

Credit:  https://goo.gl/326CW1

 The F1 car might make it to the eye, but definitely won't come out the other side looking the same.

Credit:  https://goo.gl/Huwe4G

The same goes for this Honda.  Each of the cars pictured above will probably end up crashing to save the Gulf Coast.  It isn't that we're willing to lose so many vehicles, but we need to know that our hurricane mitigation system works in case Nate decides to go Cat 8 on AcMo HQ1 in the future.  He won't even think about doing that if we can stop him on the Gulf Coast.  This is an important test for AcMo.  That's why we brought real speed to the party.

Please say hello to our hurricane breaker:

Credit:  http://ridingmode.com/thrust-ssc/

Our fearless beta tester will pilot the Thrust SSC (on loan and renamed for this mission) through the storm at any speed higher than 431 mph.  Game over, Nate!  I hope our beta tester survives the trip because we still need him to test our flying mech suits.  He won't get one equipped with an optional railgun (some assembly required, ammo NOT INCLUDED) until we can be certain he won't use it on us in retaliation for tricking him into driving through a hurricane.  I'm sure it will be fine.

A Partial WARNING to AcMo’s Competitors

Behold the power of the Magic 8-Ball!

I found my Magic-8 Ball a few weeks ago! This means that I will soon become unstoppable because I possess the power of a Magic 8-Ball.  I didn't say anything sooner because I had been waiting for it to tell me when to release that information. You'll realize how serious this situation is after you stop laughing.  It will dawn on you that I'm not joking because between the Ouija board and these 8-balls, no question remains unanswered.  The Ouija's knowledge base helped me scale AcMo's wormhole program when all of the so-called physicists I contacted said it was impossible.  It was so ridiculously easy to scale the wormhole too.  All we had to do was activate it and physics handled the rest.  You can actually see it from space now because it won't stop scaling.

Gloating is not professional so I don't intend to throw my recent successes in their faces until I can also shove them through a wormhole and be certain they won't emerge with superpowers.  That would be real unfortunate for AcMo if I inadvertently gave a group of upset physicists superpowers.  Although, it would confirm a theory I've had for a while, and might allow me to power up AcMo.  Hmm...I wonder if our beta tester is up for some wormhole jumping?  I can probably entice him with the promise of an optional railgun (some assembly required, ammo NOT INCLUDED) on the other side.

  What you don’t know is that Buffett uses a Magic 8-Ball to make all of his business decisions. Not really, since he uses multiple Magic 8-Balls before making any decision. The truth is that he owes his fortune and business success to Mattel.  I don't care if the secret is known to the public because it takes more than possessing a Magic 8-Ball to use it to succeed.  You have to know the proper way to hold it and how to shake it to get the correct answers.  They get mad if you shake them too hard and then provide only vague answers out of spite.  I gained this valuable insight through experience and by watching others try to hustle people on busy street corners. 

This is only a partial warning because I was going to bluff regarding my Magic 8-Ball's power level, but I don't think that's wise.  My Magic 8-Ball has lost some of its magic. I blame Oprah since this coincides with the creation of her network and she has blocked my access to it. I used to learn everything important about life from watching Oprah.  That ended when she started the OWN Network.  Now I can't learn all of the things I need to know to be my best self.  I think Oprah was sustaining the magic in my Magic 8-Ball.  That is probably the secret to her success as well.

What kind of answer is that?

I have most of my desk engineers working to fix this critical problem, but they have so far been ineffective.  We can't even find the diagnostic port on it to connect our computer.  Even worse, no one knows if the liquid inside the Magic 8-Ball is radioactive or not.  We've tried the Geiger counter on it, but the readings are erratic so we can't be sure if the counter is reacting to magic, radioactivity, or some combination of both.

This problem has prevented me from moving forward on several promising projects because I can't get clear answers any longer.  I would happily pay up to $2.50 US if anyone would sell or lease a Magic 8-Ball, or can provide a technical manual and a source for the potentially radioactive fluid that creates the magic.

AcMo is open to all options at this point.  We want to be back operating like Warren Buffett, but we cannot do that without a functional Magic 8-Ball. Anyone who says they can succeed in business without consulting either a Magic 8-Ball or Ouija board isn't being honest.  Every successful CEO's safe has one or both of those items in it.  I know because I've checked them all.

Ne Plus Ultra

Credit:  https://goo.gl/4VJFem

Right now you are ogling the greatest engine ever built.  Why?  Because I wanted you to do that.  Take in every intricate detail and understand that you lack the capacity to realize a product so magnificent.  This engine was supposed to be built to Gordon Murray's exacting specifications, but it wasn't.  He wanted an engine with 550 hp that weighed around 225 kg.  Gordon Murray had asked McLaren's then F1 partner, Honda, to build the engine, but Honda knew then what they don't seem to know now, which is that they can't build powerful, reliable engines on demand.  Undaunted, Gordon asked several other manufacturers to create his dream engine.  All of them declined.  He finally got around to his friend, Paul Rosche, at BMW, and a deal was struck.

"Nocken-Paul" (Camshaft Paul) went to work creating an engine better than anything that had come before it, and arguably better than anything produced since.  I don't know if Paul knew he was about to build the apogee of modern internal combustion engines, but that's what he did.  Those exacting specifications that Gordon Murray wanted in his engine were not met because the BMW V12 Paul delivered weighed about 270 kg.  This weight increase was unforgivable to the man who was counting every single ounce in the build of his ultimate dream car.  The extra weight would throw off the precise math that Gordon had been obsessing over for years.  All was lost!

Camshaft Paul had a pleasant surprise for Gordon:  the engine didn't produce 550 hp either.  Nope, since he couldn't get it to weigh what Gordon wanted, he added a little extra power.  Gordon was pleased with receiving an extra 77 hp over his desired number.  This made up for the extra kilograms.  That same engine was modified AcMo style for 2 lucky owners who were able to boast 691 hp.  This is a 6.1 liter V12 engine that has no rivals.  I get goosebumps thinking about it 20 years after it ended production.  No one has made a better engine yet.  I defy you to come up with just one example that comes close.  This engine powered a road car derived race car to an overall victory at Le Mans on its first attempt!  In fact, the results were the best for a manufacturer's Le Mans debut in the history of the race.  A lot of that success resulted from having the best engine ever.  It was a bit of an unfair advantage.

Since AcMo is moving forward with the invincible engine block project, we thought it made the most sense to start with the absolute best engine we could find.  That was an easy selection since we had one of these BMW S70/2 V12s in the shop already.  It was supposed to go back into a client's vehicle, but that didn't happen for some reason.  Now we can take our time and improve upon perfection before reinstalling it.

The problem with creating a strengthened engine block may not be immediately apparent to you.  It wasn't to me.  Strengthening one part of a system without addressing the others simply shifts the weak link down the chain but doesn't eliminate it.  We lost six test engines in our beta tester's Subaru before I saw the pattern.  The blocks are not yet invincible since that tech takes time, but they are reinforced.  The crankshafts, pistons, connecting rods, and every other part are still standard and those parts can't handle the increased cylinder pressures resulting from the reinforced block.  We've seen every one of those components fail as a result.  The only good news is that none of them have been able to penetrate the block so we can keep reusing it.

I have infinite patience when it comes to blowing up engines, but our beta tester was starting to get mad since we have to charge him for the new components each time.  It was around the time of the fourth explosion that I realized we might lose his business if we couldn't come up with a solution.  It took two more spectacular failures before I had the epiphany I needed to fix this project.

Read this part slowly and let it marinate in your brain:  WHEN REINFORCING A SYSTEM, EVERY SINGLE COMPONENT MUST BE STRENGTHENED TO ELIMINATE ALL OF THE WEAK POINTS.  I have that taped on my bathroom mirror so I see it every morning before I go into the shop.  I used to think it only applied to vehicles, but now it has become clear that it is an important life lesson.  Don't forget this or you will waste years of your life sorting through the debris field trying to understand what went wrong.

Build number 7 on our beta tester's car is on hold while we switch to a much better canvas.  The shop gremlins have already disassembled our client's S70/2 and we are working out the process to strengthen every part before we attempt to reassemble it.  You might have noticed that I didn't mention anything about invincibility coatings, and that's for a good reason.  We are still working on perfecting the formula, but we have found some success in increasing strength while we continue to approach full invincibility.  We don't have time to wait for the formula, so we need to learn what we can by using the strengthening approach.

Credit:  https://goo.gl/4VJFem

When we crack the invincibility coating mystery, we will have done the impossible by improving on the world's greatest engine.  AcMo will be known throughout the world as the smartest, most innovative and fearless engine re-builders to have ever graced the Earth.  I anticipate a great pyramid being built in North Carolina in honor of our achievements.  Based on the time it is taking to reach invincibility, I have calculated that the entire engine should become invincible in about 375 years.  I hope North Carolina will still have land available for that pyramid.  This timeframe shouldn't be an issue as long as we are able to master time travel within the next 20 years.

There's a lot of pressure involved in this project because AcMo's professional reputation is on the line, but we thrive under pressure, and soon we'll have access to invincible skin coating so we will never break or crack under extreme pressure.  We could achieve success any day between now and 2392.  The S70/2 will still be the greatest engine ever built even in that late year.  I just hope some of you will be there to witness the moment we do the impossible once again.